How Many Friends Do You Actually Have?
So….How many friends would you say you aCTUALLY have?
Facebook came out when I was in college. I vividly remember my real-life friends bragging about who had the most "friends", who had ethnic "friends," who had the hottest "friends", and so began the slow descent and abduction of the term "friend."
Sure, Facebook isn't overtly evil. Yes, they have made it easier to connect with lost friends (humans). Instantaneous connection is a problem that Facebook may know more about you than your real friends, the church, or even your family. But what really makes a friend?
Who are your friends, and how many do you have? Really. If you have more than 5 at the end of this article, consider yourself blessed.
In Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics, he defines friendship in 3 major categories:
Those from whom we find utility
Those from whom we find fun or pleasure
Those for whom we seek the greatest good, over our personal interest.
Now think of your friends. If you know them on social media exclusively, they almost certainly are a #2 friend. Your friends at work or school, maybe a comb of #1 and #2.
Suppose we're honest about the real people we interact with on social media. How many actually seek your good? How many do you truly know and desire their good over your own? How many of them would say you love them enough to tell them the truth in the face of potentially offending them?
And here we are. I ask you again - how many friends do you actually have?
Before you close this article, what if we turn this around and ask afresh: what does it mean to be a friend?
The Bible gives us some remarkable markers on friendship, and I challenge you to try these out and see if you have what it takes to be the friend you want others to be to you:
Build one another up (I Thess 5:11)
Pick one another up when they fall (Eccl 4:10)
Offer kindness (Job 42:10)
Give up your life for them (Jn 15:13)
Stand with them in adversity (Prov 17:17)
Build each other in wisdom (Prov 13:20)
Challenge and be willing to wound them for their good (Prov 27:5-6).
Do you build up or tear down? Are you there to pick them up when they fail or are you scoffing or absent? Are you kind? Would you give your life for them? Would you give your time and your convenience for their good? Would they say they can come to you with any problem and know you are for them? Would they say that you are wise? Would they trust you in the face of short-term pain for their long-term gain?
Maybe the question is not how many friends you have, but how many are you seeking to be that kind of friend too?
If I'm honest, the number is somewhere closer to 0 than 5. I sincerely hope to change that and, in so doing, return the type of friendship several others have modeled and graciously labored to show me.
I am a novice at the whole #3 friend thing. Yet, I would still affirm that friendship is one of the most authentic delights and significant life-saving devices I have ever had. It is a good gift from the creator to us and reflects his great love for us. True friendship brings joy and pleasure, is practically useful, but most importantly - it is for my good. In the words and example of Jesus - "greater love hath no man than this, that he give up his life for his friends."
Give yourself up this week, and see what fruit might be borne through your labor.
Austin Holmes
Austin is married to Chelsey, they live in Jacksonville, Florida with their 5 children. He graduated from Furman as a History and Religion double major, completed an MBA at NSU in South Florida, and is finishing his doctorate with Southern Baptist Theological Seminary.
